TEDxUTokyoSalon 2015
Kumi Inoue: True Partner (summary)
Script I made
0:14
Thank you my friends.
0:25
I'm very, very happy to be here and I want to thank l the organizers for inviting me. This is a great opportunity, but this isn't about me. This isn't about you. This is about us designing and creating and unforgettable moments here and now. So we are all in this together, we are partners and for the next few moments. Let's think about it. What is a true partner? I want to show me your hand, if you believe you have a true partner in your life or in your business. Who thinks that you have actually think you have a true partner. Please raise your hand. All right. Many. Okay. So I can say this today. I have partners who are very very lucky or optimists. All right. Now, to me, a true partner shares that cat. C, A, T, cat. Three drivers of happiness. "C" stands for the challenge. "A" stands for alignment. "T" stands for trust. The challenge, alignment and trust.
2:19
A true partner challenges you to choose happiness over hate. To choose freedom over fear. Now, what does it mean? let me ask you. Are you afraid of or do you hate something or somebody... do you have something that you hate or do you have something that you hate to do? Raise your hand. Okay. Very honest. Now, how many of you, you love to clean up your house or clean up your rooms? Please raise your hand. Some. All right. If you happen to be one of those who hate to do the housework hate to clean the rooms, rooms clean even your rooms, clean the house. If you happen to have a true partner, this is what has going to say to you. Okay? Hate is a choice if you hate to do the cleaning.
3:25
Cleaning up your mess, your clutter and dusting, etc. etc. You can ignore to hate it even more. Okay? But as I said hate is a choice. Why not replace it with happiness? And you might ask "How could I be happy doing the housework?" Cleaning the house, cleaning is messy, Such a clutter and true partner says well". I can tell you that if you switch you're thinking, you're going to have this three happinesses. Okay? Yes! One, you're vacuuming, dusting and removing.....clutter? One, you get the exercise, right? So you stay fit you. You know you want to go to the gym, you have to jog. That's one. Two, look at this place. Okay? Your clutter is done. You got more space. Wow! This is beautiful. You see. That makes you feel good. Three, if you happen to be living with someone, your family, your partner, whoever. You're going to be very happy, even more they can give you a hug. That's win, win, win, and happy, happy, happy. So switch from hate to happiness.
4:51
Make a sense also. Okay? Now, what about choosing freedom over fear. Think about it. Do you have something or somebody that you fear, you'er afraid of? Okay? Be honest.
5:06
The study shows in the United States, more people fear making a public speech as it was standing in my position and making a speech in front of people even though they'er friends. They fear that more than death. You're pretty that you're afraid. How many of you would like to trade places with me and like to make a speech here? Okay, okay! So if you happen to be those who fear standing up in front of people and making a speech. ......So I'm so scared. Your partner come to and you say "fear is a choice. Why do you choose fear? " Choose freedom. Freedom is much crisis and your partner say "Well, think about standing here and letting yourself go, you really think you're feeling that is freedom.
6:07
You're letting your feelings, ideas experiences. Ideas worth spreading. So that's freedom, right? Do you agree? No reactions. Switch from fear to freedom, from hate to happiness. Right? So that's a challenge.That true partner would challenge you to think about at least and do it. Next is "A" alignment. Alignment means to line up beautifully and properly. So just imagine a marching band. Marching band, Okay? And the band... If the trumpet decides I'm going this way. The Drum decides that I'm going this way. What happens?
7:05
It's out of alignment. It's not very beautiful. You've got to have the same direction and keep the proper related distance, right? So that's alignment. A true partner empowers you to be aligned your mind, to your body and your heart in order to maintain total well being, total health. It's very important because sometimes your mind says, especially your frontal lobe of your brain says "Wow, it's midnight, it's time for snacks, I want soup, noodle, ramen of Japanese". l want some, but your body says "Give me a break". And my body or your body screams and says you know you're what you eat, there's this your conflict. Your heart says "please guys don't fight " That's misalignment.
8: 16
So for you well being, Okay? You need to align these three. they're very important. They're part of your being. And also to be aligned for happiness well being and also..and also to your dream. You want to move toward as the same direction to the vision to great dream, okay? So that's very important and also your true partner teaches sometimes very important to keep, to maintain a successful relationship. That is to keep the proper distance between your parent. Proper distance, that's very important. You got to close suffocating. If you're get too far. Where is my partner? Lonely. Lonely. You have to maintain the proper distance in other word ouch. "Ouch!" I don't know if you recognize this picture, these are a couple of animals called porcupine. Porcupine. There are animals. There has many, many sharp needles. Do you know what happens? Sharp needles hurt. They want to kiss each other. It's very difficult. They are very, very challenging. Ouch! Ouch! So they don't have to risk their lives. So keep the proper distance, not too far, not to close. That's the alignment.
9:55
Now, "T" Trust. So every one agrees that trust is important. But if you and when you have a true partner, he enables you to trust that you matter. You matter. And also life matters. Life matters. You matter because you're here for a reason, you're existing, your presence matters. And if you're thinking really think about someone, someone who smiles, because you're there. You see. Then you matter if you could make one person smile. Then you matter. You can make a difference. You can change the world. You can save the greater goodness if only you choose to do something.
10:56
And life matters. Life matters, because there're so many reasons. You wake up in the morning and open the windows, you extend your arms to the sky and embrace the sun and listen to the sound of the wind and birds. Listen with your hobby, smell the fresh leaves of early summer and if the sun is taking a break. I'm on vacation.
11:30
You can enjoy the concert of raindrops and after the concert, you can enjoy, you can feel of the freshness of the air and you know, sooner or later. Here comes the sun. See if only you stop and you care and you choose to look, to listen, to smell, to taste, to touch and feel. You know that you need in life is filled with wonder than happiness. Life matters. So true partner share the cat, challenge, alignment and trust. Three very important drivers of happiness. Now, let me ask you one again. Do you have a true partner? Great! I'm very happy for you. Now as for me I do but before I share my story about me and my true partner. Let me draw your attention to compatibility.
12:58
Whether you get along with your partner or not, compatibility is important. And do you know that many Japanese do to find out if they're compatible with their parent or their potential partners? Look up at the night sky and ask the stars, zodiac sign. How many of you know your zodiac sign? Raise your hand. Okay. Almost every one. Every one knows expect for non Japanese people. Okay? Right? I also know my zodiac sign. It's a kind of attractive name. Crab in Japanese, and in English cancer. Cute. And I am a cancer. I have cancer but it does not have me. I have cancer but it does not have me because I have always been and I am..and I will always be in charge of my life, I'm the boss of my life. Six years ago, I was visited by this uninvited guest and I was overwhelmed. But over the years, this uninvited guest and I have come to terms with each other and have learned to live with each other and cancer and I have become true partners. You don't believe me? right? But we have truly become true partners and my life is never the same because my true partner has forced disruptive change but and me. I have transformed. I am happier and I believe that I'm a better person. Thanks to my true partner. And I mean that he is my true partner because he shares the cat, "C" "A" "T." And I mean that. And let me tell you a little bit about my story. My true partner challenges me to choose happiness over hate.
15:3
Why do we have to in this position on more happiness over hate? And freedom over fear and trust me on this. I am afraid of noting. I am afraid of noting. I'm so eager to make most of my life and time. My precious time with my friends every moment. And I was never like that before because I feel nothing. I replace that with freedom. Thanks my partner. And so my true partner challenges me to not just survive but to thrive, thrive in this incredible journney of life.
16:32
"A" alignment. my true partner empowers me to be aligned to my mind, body and my heart. And now I eat the right food and I do the right thing. I'm very careful and I also care very much about my total well being before I didn't care it so much. Thanks to my partner and also to my dream. My dream is I want to be more useful. I want to change the world. I want if I can change just one person for better on myself better then, I am very happy. So I have dreams and I know I'm going.
17:22
So my true partner has done all that. And another important thing is keeping the right distance with my partner if I think about my true partner 24 hours a day, ouch! So I don't do that. I sometimes forget about my partner. That's good and next is trust. Trust. My true partner enables me to trust that. I matter. I matter and to trust that life matters because life is filled with so many beautiful things, and wonders, and life is worth living on matter what. So this is what my true partner has done for me. Okay. And I can make right choices now. This is my story about me and my true partner. Now some of you may not be blessed with such a powerful partner like mine. And you may be looking for a true partner and some of you might not be very successful. Where is my partner? Where is she? Where is he? My advice, trust me on this. Just stop. Perhaps, perhaps, you're not looking for your partner in the right place. Where are you looking? What are you looking for?
19:15
And stop and listen to your inner voice, inner voice. And you'll start listening and hear the voice of your partner, because your true partner is right there with you within your heart waiting to be discovered. Your true partner is you. So this is my story. This is my advice. That's a true partner. I choose to be happy. Thank you very much. Thank you for being great partners.